It Was Not Your Fault But Mine
by Destined Darkness
Summary: A shot rings out, a gun smokes, a bullet hits, a spurt of blood, a cry of pain and everything stops.
1. Little Lion Man

_Don't own the song, it's Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons. :) _

_Uhm... I don't actually... even... okay, here's what I'm going to do. Because I'm cool and bored._

You can pick a song or a line from a song or something and put it in a Review and tell me who you want me to write a one shot for, I could be a bitch and say only Erik and Charles but I'm not going to be mean. Anyway. That's what you can do because I also wanna make myself a X-Men Playlist. :P Anyway. off you tot.

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><p><em>Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart. <em>

Erik watches Charles, he sees in Charles everything that is good in the world, everything that is perfect, he sees Charles heart. Charles can't see Erik's anymore.

_Weep, little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start. _

Charles once saved a man from drowning; he infiltrates people's minds on a daily basis, never fearing what defences they have in place. Erik watches as Charles silently starts to break.

_Rate yourself and rape yourself, take all the courage you have left, wasted on fixing problems that you made in your own head._

Charles breathes deep, his heart is pounding, his vision wavering. Erik breathes deep, his mind is screaming with thoughts Charles is never going to hear, regrets and apologies and so many emotions Charles is never going to see.

_But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear? Didn't I my…_

A shot rings out, a gun smokes, the bullet hits, a spurt of blood, a cry of pain and everything stops.

"I'm so sorry, Charles."

_Tremble for yourself my man; you know that you have seen this all before. _

The broken ones always end up breaking someone else.

_Tremble, little lion man, you'll never settle any of your scores._

Charles lost the use of his legs, he'll never get revenge for that because then he'd have to lose the part of him that made Erik his friend in the first place. He won't accept that.

_Your grace is wasted in your face; your boldness stands alone among the wreck._

Charles looked so young, so afraid, so scared, so_ determined _even as he lay paralyzed on the beach.

_Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck._

They start off small, teaching only a few mutants at a time. Charles gets involved as much as he can, he never tosses his students off to other hands if he can care and teach them. Occasionally he has days where he won't get out of bed, he can't, he spends those days curled up and crying, it's the only weakness he will allow himself to show. He sees friendships like his and Erik's begin, strengthen and fall apart so many times over the years and it breaks his heart every time.

_But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time.'_

A shot rings out…

_But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?_

A gun smokes…

_But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?_

A bullet hits…

_But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?_

A spurt of blood…

_Didn't I, my dear?_

A cry of pain…

'_She didn't do this, Erik, you did.'_

Everything stops.

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><p>R&amp;R<p> 


	2. Reason You're Running Scared

_Sooo... a friend requested me to write this a few days ago and I couldn't be bothered doing anything with it but then when i asked for songs for inspiration, I have suddenly realized that I can link them all together and make a continuous story, ish thing, so here we go. basically, as I'm too lazy to read through the first thing again and work out what to change to tie it into this and stuff, just basically ignore it if you can't find a way to tie it in here... whatever, okay? I've just gotten my hearing back for the first time in like a month or two so... be happy :D :P_

_Anyway! This chapter's song theme is Monster by Sick Puppies, next chapters is, at this point in time Forgive Me by Evanescence, then depending on if I can tie it in there, it'll be Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars followed by Pain by Three Days Grace. That's the plan so far, dudes, anyway! Enjoy the read, I hope. :P_

OH! And I have to change the rating and add a warning: So.. mentions/hints/implications/other stuff towards suicide and depression. Also, if you so wish you can see Charles and Erik as being Charles/Erik, on that note, if you soo wish, you can request that *I* make them Charles/Erik, but I ddon't really care at the moment to be honest, this fic is just gonna turn out how it's going to turn out. Ain't nothing we can do about it really.

Also! Italics without speechmarky things is the song, italics with the marky things is Charles communicating with Erik or it's Erik's thoughts, you should be able to distinguish the two. And normal writing is everything else. :) My explanations are so helpful, aren't they?

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><p><em>I know the reason you're running scared. I met the monster inside your head. You'll never know the feeling of being alive. It's not enough, it never stops coming, so take a breath, say goodbye.<em>

_'She didn't do this, Erik, you did.'_

_'You did.'_

_'You did!'_

_'She didn't…'_

_'Erik, you did…'_

_'I'm so sorry, Charles.'_

_'You did, you did, you did, you did, she didn't, you did!'_

He gasps and shakes his head, eyes snapping back into focus. He'd been running himself into the ground trying to forget what he had done, trying to forgive himself, trying to move on, but the more he tried the worse it got until it go to this.

Not for the first time he eyes the gun in his hand, and expression of deepest pain across his face. His thoughts swirl and scream within his head. He swallows heavily before removing the helmet.

_'D-Don't do it, Erik.' _He sighs.

"Dearest Charles, I did not take you for the type to stalk, but then again, I suppose I really should have, should I?' he says, levitating the gun into the air and spinning it around absently. "Now's the part where you try to convince me to stay." He says slowly, lying back on his bed, the gun hovering over him, aimed down at his head.

_'You know as well as I, Erik, that no matter what I say, you're going to ignore it. I'm not going to waste our time with that, but maybe you should see something's before you pull that trigger, Erik.' _Charles replies, he's tucked up in his own bed, where he feels most comfortable.

"Oh and what would these _things _be?" Erik scoffs, the gun wavers.

_'This.' _Charles says before Erik is engulfed in memories that are not his own. He sees a twelve year old boy, seizing on the floor in his room, his sister is screaming, her hair is slowly turning red and her eyes yellow. The image changes and Erik sees the same boy lying in a hospital bed, he has only one visitor, his sister, her hair is blonde and her eyes are brown, the boy is half awake. The image changes again, this time the boy is 17 and he's screaming, his sister is the only one who kneels beside him, telling him everything will be okay. Erik feels his chest tighten as he understands that these are Charles memories, altered by the memories of those around him who helped him piece together what had happened to him.

Suddenly Erik finds himself struggling to breathe and a new image enters his mind, it's of Charles, a month before Erik first met him. He's sitting in his room, alone, looking out his window; a gun is in his hand. Mystique is out, doing God knows what and Charles is alone. Erik can't breathe, he feels like the world is closing in on him. Sooo many voices in his head, so many people screaming, so many voices, so many problems, so many people. He can't… he sees Charles lift the gun, finger over the trigger.

"NO! CHARLES!"

He screams, he can't help it, he can't breathe, can't think, can't… Suddenly the image is gone and he can see his bedroom again. The gun falls, hard and fast, hitting him on the head as he sinks into his pillows.

_'I'm sorry, Erik, I thought you'd want to know that you are not alone…' _Erik hears Charles's voice and it's the last thing he hears before he passes out, exhausted and concussed.

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><p>R&amp;R! :D And the next chapter is actually, sorta done. :P Sorta... ish.. maybe... I dunno yet.<p> 


	3. I Didn't Mean to Hurt You

_Here is the Forgive Me by Evanescence themed chapter. :) I am prrreeettttyyyy sure the next chapter is going to be Poison and Wine by the Civil Wars and then Pain by Three Days Grace, not too sure, depends one what mood my muse is in... anyway. Enjoy. :) _

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><p><em>Can you forgive me again? I don't know what I said, but I didn't mean to hurt you. I heard the words come out, it felt like I would die, hurt so much to hurt you. Then you look at me, you're not shouting anymore, you're silently broken. I would give anything now, to kill those words for you.<em>

Erik wakes with a headache, he scowls at the gun lying next to him before he tosses it away. He looks at the helmet for a moment, as if wondering if he should wear it or not.

'_You're an early riser, you know that?' _he hears the moan in his mind and he smirks.

"You happen to be the one insisting on being in my thoughts lately, you can deal with it, party boy." Erik says, opting to leave the helmet where it is. He frowns. "So… I'm going to go have a shower, want to get out of my thoughts now?" He hears the horrified, surprised squeak in his mind and he smirks.

'_I did _not _need that mental image, Erik, you know I can _never _un-see that! You could have just said you need to go have a shower, not barrage me with images of you _in_ the shower! Jesus' _the complaining disappears and Erik smirks as he heads off to shower.

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><p>The moment he steps out of the bathroom, dressed in a tidy black suit, he feels the presence in his mind again.<p>

"How are we doing, Charles?" he says, finding his shoes.

'_Oh, I'm onto my fifth bottle of Brain Bleach and still going strong, Hank has dutifully and loyally started ignoring my requests for more alcohol, Sean has made It _painfully _obvious that I am not to ask him for any anymore, and the students are obviously no go areas…' _Charles jokes as he sits in the garden, having been washed and clothed by the time it took Erik to finish showering. Erik chuckles.

"Ah, see now, Charles, they're smart, it's far too early in the day for you to be getting intoxicated, then they'd have to deal with you singing to them in their minds. Lord knows it'll be the shortest any school has been open if that happens." Erik replies, standing up and heading to the door, grabbing his jacket on the way out. "Now, if I kindly leave the helmet off are you going to cause me trouble?" he says, hand on the doorknob.

'_No, though, if you leave the helmet off, I do expect to meet you for lunch under the satellite. We can talk…' _Erik sighs and an image of the Eiffel tower crosses his mind. _'Come now, Erik, you're going to use the pitiful excuse of 'I am in another country' to get out of having lunch with your best friend? You wound me deep, my friend. You wound me deep…' _Charles trails off as Erik's mind screams at him with Charles' voice.

'_You did! You did! You did! You did! She didn't do this! Erik, you did! You did! You did!' _it screams, Erik smashes his head against the door violently, his hand crushing the metal doorknob. _'You did! You did! She didn't do this! You did!' _

'_Erik!' _Charles calls desperately to his friend, who is whimpering as he slams his head against the door again. _'Erik, stop, please, you have a concussion, please.'_

'_Want to press your luck, Charles? I don't think I can stop them all.' _Erik screams as he throws the metal objects in his room around, he can't... Suddenly he feels a sense of calmness wash over him and his knees fall out from beneath him and he falls to the floor.

'_Erik, listen to me, not the me you have stuck circling your mind, screaming at you, blaming you, destroying you, breaking you, not that me. Listen to me. I want you to meet me at the satellite at lunch time today, no excuses, Erik. And leave the helmet behind, or put it somewhere safe, I don't care, just don't bring it with you. I can't talk to you if I can't find you and if I can't find you, I can't help you. Please, Erik?' _Erik nods, hands gripping in his hair, head pounding, heart beating much too fast.

"Yes, yes alright, Charles. Alright." He says taking deep breaths.

'_Good. I'll see you later, Erik.' _Charles says, his voice fading from Erik's mind. Erik slams his head against the door as soon as he's sure Charles is gone, he ignores the way the world swirls for him, he does have a concussion, after all. Charles struggles to breathe as he buries his head in his hands. Erik took away his ability to walk while he took away Erik's ability to breathe, to think clearly; to live. "I'm so sorry, Erik." He whispers to the wind as memories of those precious last moments on the beach just mere months ago roll through his mind.

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><p>(Hehe... don't lie Charles, you saved those images of naked Erik to your memory bank, didn't you?) BRAIN! GET OUT OF THE GUTTER! AHH! :P<p>

R&R


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